Last couple of days, I have been caught up in a kind of “mediation” role, for a friend. It’s a family situation with their children involved. I love all of them and hence it was really tricky to come in.
Relationships are quite a slippery slope, especially when there is history, and there always is, and hurts and things at stake. This is our everyday day reality, because relationships are people, and people are everywhere, personal and professional really is not different. The degrees of heat and entanglement may differ.
In listening to different ‘parties’, I felt as if my mind was constantly changing gears, I would feel it. I suddenly noticed, some “words” being used often and interchangeably and I would get very confused and keep losing the plot. I had to work really hard on the inside.
It made me wonder what was going on..
I realised, people often said and used Point of view, Perspective, Opinion interchangeably. Other words to add to the confusion was Vantage point, which BTW I just feel is a POV which gives you an advantage.
Phew !!! As if communication was not challenging enough!!
I realised they were NOT the same. And not really thinking about how we express what we are seeing create further confusion and heart ache. All Three are Different. And reveal something about us.
Point of View
Definition: Point of view(POV) is a ‘fixed place’ – from which a story, a narrative is seen and told. It is the stance from which the action and events of the story unfold. It is the narrator’s position in relation to a story being told. Currently. The position from which something or someone is observed.
In this family situation, the Point of view of the parents and children were different. When I asked one of the girls what did they want, this child of 12 said, I want to watch harry potter peacefully because my exams are over. I was struck by that.
Point of view, reveals our location in the story. It says a lot about where we are NOW.
In a conversation with a client his feedback for someone was he does not have or state his POV explicitly. It is like that, Perhaps because often – it is a risk of exposure and an act of Vulnerability. I notice people shy away from stating their POV, maybe there is fear of being judged. And yet, it immediately tells others, how if at all, that you have a skin in the game.
“Men reveal what they think when they look away, and what they feel when they hesitate. With women, it’s the other way around”
Gregory Roberts – Shantaram
Perspective:
Definition: The art of representing three-dimensional objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other. “the theory and practice of perspective”. This can be read and applied to people and situations.
Perspective is a narrator’s attitude or belief about an event, person, or place based on their own personal experiences. Perspective is shaped by a person’s history, personal traits, education, upbringing and culture.
Freedom, is a perspective. According to Janice Joplin “Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose”. A freedom fighter would perhaps say the opposite.
Perspective are ways in which to see from different angles. Perspective are wider than a point of view. They are more long term than a point of view.
An example from one of my Favourite book, To kill a Mocking bird, Scout’s first person narration of the events that led to Jem’s arm being broken, allows the reader to follow the story from the Point of View of a child. It may affect the readers ‘Perspectives”, the way one looks at life overall, and that is what that book did to me years ago.I clearly remember a Shift in who I was before and after that book.
Which is perhaps why it is Important to state and take a risk of stating one’ Point of view. It allows things to shape.
Years ago, I used to travel to Panchagani, a hill station in Maharashtra quite often. I would always choose the window seat. It is a hill station and has winding roads, and one side is the steep brown mountain and the other side was a gorgeous deep valley. The winding road would often be quite scary especially at the turning point. Like life.
Once a friend was travelling and she got a bad case of motion sickness, happens to many. So while coming down I suggested she sit of the side with the mountain view. It helped.
Where you sit changes what you see, what you see changes how you Feel.
Point of view is a subset of a perspective. But I have l also seen people get so “Stuck” in their POV, that often, the point was lost.
My friend kept of repeating his story from the POV of a Son. And hence he just could not see that he was stuck in that role and situation. He needed to change his ‘role’ but he just could not see it. Till he was shown a different perspective of how it would look like 8 years down the line. Once he saw it, he morphed, It was like watching a transition movie. Everyone else could see his tender side also. I was quite amazed. How just changing how and what you see, can alter your “location” in the story and your experience immediately.
Opinions
Now they are a different Animal, than these two.
Definition: A subjective judgment or belief perspective that a person has formed about a topic, issue, person or thing. It is the judgment or sentiment which the mind forms of persons or things; estimation – Hence, consideration and outcome.
One of the difference is, an Opinion is more Fixed and a Judgement already passed, at least in the mind, about how something IS. or should be. It not wrong or right. It is an opinion.
In my opinion Govt should be paying more attention to school or roads.
Opinions are free judgements we dole out. It would not be so much of a problem, if it was stated as such. Because an Opinion is Personal. And everyone is entitled to theirs.
The Issue is we give opinions disguised as perspectives
Opinion is a stronger judgement and has often an implicit intention of the other person agreeing with it. That is when it gets tricky. Whereas perspectives are more malleable. People expect that you take their opinions and change yours. Although that is not what they believe they are doing.
Opinion is what you see, Perspective is Why you see it like that, Point of view is from where are you seeing it.
As a child and even now, I love Alice in wonderland. The scene about how Alice become big or small at different point in the story, and how the shift in her perspectives alters her opinions about different characters has always stayed with me.
There is a very real need to see these distinctions.
When something get stated as a perspective, it tells me about you. There is therefore more openness to hear to see.
When something gets stated as an opinion is feels like something about me. And there is immediate defending that starts and listening and seeing becomes harder.
Perspective was at the beginning of the seeing – Opinion was at the end. Perspectives are softer -Opinions are harder.
I have seen often people give their Opinion disguised and feedback . I would like to believe, they do it unknowingly.
In the famous hare and tortoise story, the story from the perspective of the hare could be told as one of “achievement”. From the perspective of the ‘Tortoise” it could be one of being humble and mindful. Which story one tells, depends on a Point of View. Nothing is right or wrong.
Opinions Are more solidified Points of View. They are more explicit. And Perceptive acts as a bridge between them
Perhaps we need to spend more time in seeing what are how we are seeing instead of just “proving” what we are seeing as the TRUTH. Perhaps we need to realise that this is true is different from this is the Truth.
Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived.
Oscar Wilde
Perhaps the Art of perspectives, is the art of turning an issue, a person, in various ways to see more, to understand more. Maybe if we did that more in the way we saw some people or relationship we and find the angel form white the light come in more, and then use that to throw some light on shadows.
In the famous dialogue, in the epic, Mahabharata between Lord Krishna and Arjun when Arjun has cold feet in the middle of the Battle field. Where in his point of view, he could not kill his family his uncles etc. He could not move. Until Krishna shows him a different perspective. He says, Don’t think of it as a Runnbhoomi a battle ground but a Rangbhoomi – a stage.
Perhaps we need to notice our Opinion more and see if some have gotten outdated and mouldy like old slate bread. If we shift our perspectives, perhaps ours Point of View can change, about ourselves even to start with. And then maybe that can change our opinion is eventually our experience of others and the world around.
As a photographer, I love playing with Perspectives. The very act of taking a picture from different perspectives and then see them next to each other, is humbling. It tells me the fluid nature of what I perceive as reality. And reminds me to be mindful of not forming ‘opinions’ too quickly.
Perhaps, that is what Art does to us. It helps us see how we are seeing. Maybe we need to spend more time thinking and seeing like Artists. Maybe, when we change the way we look at things – We change.
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