Last one week or so has been quite a churn, what with the house hunt for my son, another situation with my friend and her life, what is going on in our country and the furrow over force fitting an advertising campaign to religion agenda and so on.
Listening to my son and his angst over how somethings are NOT ok, and how so many are not ok with that, brings up many things and memories. The fruit did not fall too far from the tree after all.
I was taking to his house agent, a really nice professional woman agent, about the tone the “landlord” took, it is such an outdated term. Yes yes..she responded to me in well meaning, patronising tones. The straw on the camel’s back for me was, when she said,’ I know, I know. But we cannot be Unreasonable, na’. She said we, but obviously meant ‘me’
Most of my life, personal and professional, I have come back to that label, Being Unreasonable. You are being unreasonable, give that doll to her, you are being unreasonable, why do you have to ask that question to the teacher why can’t you be reasonable, you cannot say these things, ask these questions, stay in expensive area, ask for the tall glass, be so straight with the Clients., and so on and so forth.
Why, I heard many people around me, their voice giving away, disbelief, frustration, impatience, fear, care, love. Why not? – was my response, with pretty much the same emotions.
Why must I, must we be reasonable?. What does that even mean. Do we use that word to say, we must “fit”, not step out of line. Not question. Just say yes, what is your problem??
I have not been able to do that – I have tried
I remember, this memory that is etched in my mind. When I was 7yrs old and had to go to Sunday school, to learn and study about the Bible, before confirmation, at one point the pastor was teaching about the Ten commandments. And we came to “Thou shall have no other god but me”. Growing up with my grandma , the one word which was frowned upon was “I”. There was a lot of emphasis on ‘We’. There is no such thing, It was not nice to say, I did it – Did you make your hands, the food the milk? – no. That as the end of any such argument.
So when we reached that statement, I thought God was supposed to know all this, why did he say such a statement ,that had such a strong emphasis on “I”.
Of course, asked this question out aloud to the Pastor. Not only did he not attempt to answer, he shushed me and said you cannot question the Bible just say it. Just say it without thinking or believing. I refused to. I said I don’t agree with it and so I will only say nine commandments. How unreasonable.
I was brought up where questions were always allowed, either my grandma or others would answer or she would point me in the direction of books or outdoors and say, go figure. No questions was unimportant.
I was quite taken aback. I persisted. He literally shouted at me, made me get out and told me to bring my Grandma to see him the next Sunday. She was quite a church person and everyone knew her.
I was extremely confused with this behaviour. I could not understand what went wrong. Anyway, I went home and told my grandma the pastor wanted to see her. That was all.
Next Sunday, I went, through the entire class. With the pastor categorically ignoring me. When it was over we went out. My grandma was waiting. I still remember this scene in the courtyard outside the classroom, on the church premise. All three of us were standing. The pastor with his hands behind him, in his white robe, face taut with suppressed anger. My grandma also standing calmly and a bit perplexed, since she had no idea of the context. And me, looking up at the two of them still confused.
The pastor through held breath told her what happened. Ending with exasperated –“ Can you believe she asked me this question about God?? – he paused, and looked at her.
Now waiting for her reaction towards me. Perhaps waiting for her to scold or punish me for being so obnoxious, I also waited – it was a suspended silent moment. She looked at him.. and then for a long time she looked at me, and then she turned to him again, and calmly asked him, “So, what did you reply to her?”
The disbelief on his face was apparent. I was stunned and overjoyed. That moment somehow marked a turning point in my notion of me. I understood, It was ok to ask questions, my questions were valid even though there may not be answers always. I was not small I was just not tall. Just because you were a grownup did not automatically make you right. Through not invalidating my experience and writing it off, I felt validated and seen.
I walked away from that place, a different person. God has strange ways of Confirming.
What should I do I asked her on our way home. What do you want to do. I don’t want to say that commandment, I said. Fine. What will happen? In that world I may not be confirmed, if they asked me that question. And I might have to do Sunday school again next year. She said matter of fact. Again , the consequences of my actions were laid out fair and square. And the choice was left to me. I decided to pray to Jesus to not let them ask me that question .I had no interest in repeating the Sunday classes. He listened. And that was that.
I have many questions..
How often we just suppress voices of children or “small” people and use authority to bully, or hide our own incompetence or fear. Or maybe its guilt and shame that we have not thought about these ourselves. Why do we feel we have to always have an answer. Do we stop to ask what will happen to the minds of these children if they believe therefore their thoughts and opinions don’t matter. Why are we surprised then that, most of us are just mimicking what was handed out to us, thinking that was “normal”. What was NORMAL.
Is it normal that so many children, and people go hungry everyday, so many people die in mindless wars, so many trees are cut to build living spaces, so many people are living such compromised lives in fear of something or the other, So many animals get killed because of our food choices?So much of what we hear in media and make up our minds about what is reality, is really Not news.
Is this Normal. Is this reasonable?
Reasonableness maintains status quo. Unreasonableness makes things move and change happen.
History has many examples of Unreasonable People and how that changed the course of histoty
Like Gandhi ji– Was he reasonable when he thought “Non-Violence” would win us freedom? – No, But we did. Was Martin Luther king reasonable when he urged people to Love unconditionally to fight the Civil war? – No, But that worked. Was Joan of Arc, a 17yrs old peasant girl, reasonable in announcing to the King of France, that God told her to fight for France? – No, but she did and they did win.
There are many examples of unreasonable people in the world of business. Steve Jobs was famous for operating in a “reality distortion field” that allowed him and Apple to conceive truly path-breaking designs
Most social entrepreneurs are acutely aware of the problem of the ’missing middle’–the gap between traditional funding and financial investments necessary for rapid expansion. A host of organizations are mobilising funds to address this issue
“Organizations take wholesome people, chew them up and spit them out,” says Raj Sisodia, the Professor of Global Business at Babson College. Is it reasonable for him to say that, No, but he is leading the idea Love based organziations through his Conscious Capitalism movement.
J.R.D Tata was not reasonable when we said, “Society is not for the business, business are for the society”. The rest as we know is history.
Sometime in the last 3 years in working with my clients, my first question to myself and them is how quickly can I exit. Initially they were taken aback and some still do. But I am convinced if I am needed there for extended periods of time I am not doing something right. The system remains vulnerable and dependent.
A couple of well intentioned consultant friends said I was being stupid, “You are out of your mind” in as many words. By now I am used to that reaction. They think I am a heretic, And they are not wrong.
“He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In!”
― Edwin Markham
The more I think about this, the more I can see that beneath Unreasonableness lies Love. Love for the country, for people, for god, for an idea, for humanity, for nature, for earth. The Only way one can say No on the outside, is when we have something bigger to say Yes to on the Inside.
Perhaps we need to ask, What is the price we will pay for this, and what kind of world will we leave for the coming generations – Is it not our responsibility to atleast voice these things.
I remember, in the organization I volunteer with MRA(Moral Re-armament) –years ago started a Magazine called “Himmat” meaning Courage, used to be published.People like Rajmohan Gandhi, Russi Lala, Arundhati Nanavati were amongst some people who were key. It published and spread news and stories of people who were doing ‘unreasonable’ things. it gave a lot of “Courage” to others. I would spend hours listening to Arundhati Aunty as she shared the “Himmat Story”. I could see and hear lot of Conviction and pride. At doing the right thing. It used to fill me with so much hope,
Maybe what we need is more such examples. More unreasonableness less reasons. More conviction less convenience. More willingness to question and take risks less maintaining status quo.
Maybe we are lost not knowing where to start, how to start. Maybe we don’t see things because it makes us uncomfortable. Because we have co-created this reality.
Perhaps we need to remind ourselves and others, that the earth does not belong to us. We are custodians. We are certainly not ‘landlords’’. We will be questioned by our conscious and the still small voice inside, which will sometimes belong to the past and sometimes to the future generations.
What did you do when you knew. Were you reasonable or unreasonable.
I hope we can unflinchingly answer that question – to ourselves.
Perhaps the Biggest Act of Rebellion of Being Unreasonable, is to Love. Without Reason. Inspite of everything, No matter what.
Out of My Mind
And then it stood out – Because it stood up
And not because it wanted to show – But because it wanted to see
What lay beyond, The horizon
Of pretending to be a alive – Conversations
Of people trapped – In identities
Of struggling to breathe – Ideas
Of reams upon reams – Of Celebrated mediocrity
Of possibilities – Lying obscure
Of exhausted with waiting – Opportunities
Of minds – Trapped by habits
And saw… That the sun – Was waiting…
Patient – Immaculate
Like it had For millions of years, To deliver it’s promise
Was waiting –To see him stand up – Not afraid to stand out
And not because it wanted to show
But because it wanted to see
How could the mind be finally set free.
Rhea
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