Concluded a workshop on Attunement, with the leadership team of a Client The team consists of 18 men and 1 woman. And leadership transitions, one leavening and another coming in. There was Grief and letting go and Celebrations and letting come and both had a place.
In the end literally everybody cried and openly sobbed. Notions like Men should not cry, being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, and other beliefs like these seem to be fading away…. At least in this space. I saw men say there were afraid of being judged, were tired of carrying the burden alone and admitting that they now wanted do belong to themselves. It gave me goosebumps and such joy to witness this. I could feel some of them growing up in those moments. From just being grown boys who look for acknowledgement form authority figures constantly.
It was heartening and beautiful to see this strength. And I imagined what a beautiful organization is possible born and held in this manner. Where AND was not only possible, it was also lived.
Today, International Mens day.. I wonder where we are in holding these views. And how are we holding them.
I have had a hate-love relationship with Men growing up. Ironically, as a tom boy most of my friends were boys. But I still hated ‘men’ because of what a couple of men did. And then my Son was born and that changed everything. I did not want to bring him up in a container that had these judgements. I used to be a strong feminist at that time. But becoming a mother of a son, changed that. It was long journey till I had to weed these notions. And I still have a long way to go.
But as I reflect back on my life today, I have met many wonderful men.
Men who care and are also open to being cared for
Men who are strong and also sensitive
Men who are courageous and also not afraid to feel the fear
Men who take a stand and are not afraid to apologize
Mean who are not afraid to ask difficult questions and also open to receive the answers.
Men who are confident of who they are and can also celebrate the women in their lives.
Men who are not afraid to love and also not afraid to show it.
We have come a long way in the me too movement, we also forget that men, just as women are both strong and soft. Both wise and stupid. Perhaps it’s time we own our own Masculine and feminine so that no gender has to bear the weight of expectations and feel caged. Perhaps we need to redefine what doe sit mean to “Be a Man”.
Perhaps we need to truly acknowledge that this thing about gender in not all Black and White as we imagine it to be. And maybe in seeing that we can set each other free, to Be.
