Let’s face it – We have Shame about Shame.
Shame, often viewed as a personal struggle, is deeply intertwined with cultural narratives and societal expectations. Brene Brown stresses that shame is a universal, core human emotion and while we all experience it, nobody really wants to talk about it. Ironically, not talking about shame helps it flourish by allowing it to bury itself deep within our mind, hearts and bodies in ways that are not healthy in any setting personal or professional. is an intensely painful feeling that can lead to withdrawal and disconnection.
In workpalces, Shame can be a powerful force, often leading to a culture of silence and fear. When people feel ashamed of their mistakes or shortcomings, they may withdraw from collaboration and communication, which stifles authenticity and growth. This leads to a whole bunch of Adaptive Problems. Leaders who recognize and address these dynamics can transform themselves and their environments of isolation into spaces of connection and resilience.
“When shame becomes an overt or covert operating principle, insubordination is a given.” – Brene Brown.
Shame is NOT a disease that needs to be hidden or treated or cured or done away with. It’s an opportunity into an inquiry of what Matter’s. And that Should matter, isn’t it?
Recently I was having a chat with Raj Sisodia, who has done some brilliant work on Conscious Organizations and leaders, and we talked about Healing Leaders. I was so glad and relieved that the word Healing and Leadership in one sentence does NOT need to hide anymore. As an Executive Coach I have been a witness to this and the negative impact. Personal and professional.
Healing from Three Things – Shame – Guilt – Fear.
Shame significantly impacts leadership and performance within organizations, often in detrimental ways.
Negative Impacts on Leadership and Performance.
• Fragile Leadership: Leaders experiencing shame may exhibit self-doubt, avoid taking risks, and struggle to make decisive decisions. This can lead to ineffective leadership, decreased team bonding and and poor performance .It also looks like controlling or aggressive behaviors. Create a toxic envirnment.
• Impaired Performance: Teams members experiencing shame may withdraw from their work, engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, or become less productive (voluntarily). They might hide mistakes, avoid seeking help, and experience increased emotional exhaustion.
• Relationship Breakdown: Shame creates barriers to open communication and trust. When individuals feel ashamed, they’re less likely to seek help or feedback, hindering growth and team collaboration.
• Organizational Culture: A culture characterized by shame fosters secrecy, blame-shifting, and a reluctance to report problems. This inhibits creativity, learning, and wellbeing and the improvement of organizational processes.
Cultural Anthropology: (The study of how people in different societies organize their lives, interact with the natural world, and make sense of the world around them)states the distinction between a Guilt - Shame and Fear Based societies , has been used to categorize different cultures and its impact on the future.
Guilt is – “I DID something wrong”: Shame is – “ I AM wrong”
These three things manifest differently across various cultures, influencing social norms, individual behavior, and interpersonal relationships.
Cultural Contexts of Shame and Antidotes
Cultural anthropology provides insight into how guilt, shame, and fear manifest differently across societies:
- Guilt-Based Cultures: In guilt-based cultures, individuals are primarily motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and the fear of punishment for their actions. They are motivated by personal responsibility. Guilt is tied to actions (“I did something wrong”) rather than identity (“I am wrong”).
Antidote: Cultivating self-compassion helps individuals recognize that imperfection is part of the human experience.
2. Shame-Based Cultures: Shame-based cultures focus on social acceptance and the fear of ostracism. Individuals are motivated by the desire to conform to societal expectations and avoid public humiliation. Acceptance is paramount; Here, shame leads to withdrawal behaviors to avoid social disapproval.
Antidote: Creating safe spaces for vulnerability encourages open discussions about shame, promoting connection and reducing stigma.
3. Fear-Based Cultures: Fear-based cultures maintain control through intimidation and the threat of retribution. Individuals may act out of fear of physical harm or severe consequences. Individuals suppress their true feelings to avoid punishment.
Antidote: Empowering individuals through rituals, education and advocacy helps them express themselves authentically while standing up against intimidation.
Impact on Mental Health
- In guilt cultures, individuals may experience anxiety related to personal failures. – Resulting in Loss of risk taking
- In shame cultures, the fear of social rejection and not belonging can lead to isolation and depression. – Resulting in Loss of Self expression
- In fear cultures, constant anxiety about safety can result in chronic stress and trauma and depression – Resulting in Loss of Authenticity
Fostering Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is essential for addressing the challenges posed by shame, guilt, and fear across organizational landscapes. Google’s Aristotle Project revealed that psychological safety plays a pivotal role in high-performing teams an dhealthy organzaitions. As mental health becomes increasingly prioritized in our interconnected world, it’s time to closely examine our cultures—cultures where healing is anticipated and proactively designed for.
Transforming workspaces into communities
Maybe its time we participated in Healing from the cultural burden of shame. It requires a collective effort led by empathetic leaders who prioritize psychological safety. By fostering environments where everyone feels valued and empowered.
Where Belonging is a given
It’s time we bring shame out of the shadows—recognizing its potential for healing—and embrace the interconnectedness that defines our shared human experience.
Here is the link to my Original Blog in the same topic
