Celebrating Mom

It’s 12 years today, since my mom passed on

I feel, it will be better every passing year,

This hollow in my heart won’t feel so empty.

But it doesn’t go away.

I feel it will not make me ache

But it does.

As I understand grief, and just let it be,

I know Love more.

What is happening,

Is the things I remember are now different

The things I remember about her ..I have begun to also see and accept in myself

This day as I sit and remember her…

I find myself smiling through the tears

the tears are not hot..anymore.

I remember her as Beautiful

I remember her laughter, uncontrollable and sudden.

I remember her childlike almost naïve quirks, the younger me had judgements about these.

I remember her listening to ghazals on full volume as she did the house chores

I remember her chiffon sarees.

I remember how she protected my siblings, in her own way

I admit I felt quite annoyed, but maybe I was just jealous.

I remember her buying Nancy drew books for me, even though she did not read or liked reading.

I remember her singing, she had a nice voice, playing antakshari was a weekly thing at home for us.

I remember her caring about our maids, fish monger, fruit seller, and all those people

who would come to our house and talk to her.

Most of all I remember how much she loved me.

How proud she was of me

How she though I could do anything.

How she cared for so many people

And I can feel the hollow getting filled..with memories that are healing.

Today, I celebrate my Mom.