I was having a conversation with my Son about his job and house search etc. and he was quite frustrated. And the conversation steered to being “lucky” or “unlucky”.
I have heard these words a lot. And Lucky has be ascribed to me often. I have also felt like that. That does not mean ‘bad’ stuff has not happened with me. And yet instances like. We would not have money for some school trip, and last minute something would magically happen and I would get the money. My siblings often said that. Oh yes you are lucky so you get it. I always felt it was implied in the opposite way.
And I also know with my sister for example, she would often not get something even though she desperately wanted. She would be led to it and last minute it would not happen.
I have often wondered about it. After a time it stuck. The Belief. I still find, the coins on the beach or god idols on the road etc.
So what is this Luck and not luck? Is it a Belief? Or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I think partly it is belief and partly a habit of thinking. It is a way of thinking about what happens and then “feeling” a certain way abut it. I believe how you feel about something either makes you lucky or not. It is not so much about whether you actually have it or not.
Here are a few things I have learnt about Lucky
- Luck is a function of Meaning making
Lucky people:
When something “Good” happens – make it Universal and Permanent
Example: Finding coins – I always find coins everywhere
When something “Bad” happens – make it local and temporary
Example: I lost my wallet in the rickshaw just this once.
Unlucky People – Do the Exact opposite
When something Good happens – they make it Local and temporary
When something Bad happens – they make is universal and permanent
People can have many things and still feel unlucky and the opposite is also true.
I met Deepika, this street girl who is now a friend. She suddenly said how she felt that morning she wanted to have a chocolate. I “happened” to have one in my bag. I gave it to her. She jumped saying whenever I pray I always get it.
- Luck is a function of Gratitude.
Some people go through life as if it was one big complain. They are just in a state of constant disapproval. And I suspect the universe gets tired of pleasing them when there is little reciprocation. It as if they are trying to look for that one thing that is not there just so they can be right about being unlucky. It’s kind of competition about who is more unlucky. It is sad. The price we pay for being right. And it is exhausting.
I have seen also people who are grateful and then ‘happen to be lucky’ I think Universe likes that you feel good about what she had already given, then you get more of it.
I think it is written in the Bible – To those who have more will be given -to those who don’t it shall be taken from.
Years ago when I used to travel to Manilla every month for an assignment. I had gotten used to taking the 8pm flight which would typically either have a stop at Malaysia or at Singapore. On one trip, my “Dyscalculia” made me read 1800 as 8pm. It was actually 6pm. I missed my flight. I had to pay from my pocket for the stay etc. It looked pretty “Unlucky”. Only latter I learnt that this was the same Malaysia flight that went down and disappeared.
- Luck is function of preparing with faith
I also get pretty mad when oh you are lucky is said in a dismissive, condescending way. It also takes away from all the hard work I put which may not always be visible. We say it in a way that suggest being lucky means you don’t need hard work and that is not true. But it does take doing the work with Faith.
Steven Hales a professor and chair of philosophy at Bloomsburg university of Pennsylvania and the author of The Myth of Luck conducted a study to determine whether there is a relationship between having an optimistic disposition and the attribution of good or bad luck to ambiguous luck scenarios. The study indicates a lot of luck has to do with your “outlook,” says Hales. “If you look around on the internet and look at lists of the world’s luckiest people or the unluckiest people, sometimes you find the same people on both of those lists.”
The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
― Albert Einstein
- Luck is a function of tenacity
I was watching a documentary about a guy who received an award for a patent. When he came on stage the MC said, well this is a lucky morning after a long night. Yes the Man said it is a lucky morning – but the night was 30 years long.
Luck can seem like a “point in time” but we don’t see how much blood and sweat went into the result. And it can be unfair to hang it ALL on to luck. Or Stars.
Perhaps, if we suspend the judgements of what is “lucky and not-lucky” we can see more. Be more in the present instead of past or future. Perhaps if we did have a practice of being grateful, we may realise we are actually quite lucky. Maybe we need to see what is the data set we “compare” things against and change that?
- To think we are sitting in this moment have the luxury to be able to reflect without thinking of the next meal or next breath – Isn’t that luck?
- To have the ability to look up and see the sky feel the sun and rain know the strength in our feet as we stand – isn’t that luck?
- To have someone – anyone – who you can say good morning to who think for you and prays for you- isn’t that luck?
We have, as human beings, become quite Entitled. And that needs to change. Perhaps some humility can go a long way. Nothing was “guaranteed” to us – ever.
Perhaps we need to find “luck” and celebrate it in the smallest of things. We anyway find what we are looking for.
As a practice: I keep these ‘random’ coins, or shells, or feathers I find in a Red Box. There are days when I feel down and out and unlucky. Then I go through the Red box and take each piece out and remember how I found them. Often By the time I am done with 4- 5 items – I feel pretty lucky. Again.
As a practice We need to deliberately increase frequency of telling lucky stories (not make the up) and decrease complains.
My maid Anita, was sharing with me a few weeks ago. How she lost her husband when her youngest son was just 6 months old. And oldest was 6. It was a love marriage and it was a sudden death. Her parents did not support her. She could not cry in front of her already devasted children. She said she would, after finishing by afternoon all her work – get on to a train, which would be an hour and half one way ride. And just sit. And cry. It was easier to grieve in-front of strangers. She would sit and watch people. She did it for weeks. Slowly she said, she saw many people get on and get off. Some had asthma, some had some other deformities, some had lost their child and many such “tragedies”. Every day she said, as we went home after that train ride, she would be able to see her situation with little more light and little more gratitude.
One day she said she stopped when she found herself crying for another person on the train who was in pain due to an accident that that left him all alone in the world – his entire family had died. She said she felt grateful to god for what she had. That day she said, knew she would be ok.
I do feel so grateful for people like Anita in my life – Who give a whole new perspective. She raises 3 boys alone and yet she does not hold back either her tears or laughs.
Perhaps we need to as a practice count our blessing. Every day. Perhaps we need to see and think even as we speak, people are dying, in wars that make no sense. In fires that make no sense. Perhaps we need to think this life this country this family how can we inhabit it more fully. Everyone will die. Lucky or not lucky. But what are we going to do with this one precious life that we are given? And it does not have to be some grad plan. Before we go into the Box – perhaps we need to have our own Red box.
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