Last few days I have been spending time at my favorite Taj tea house, in Bandra. I love its vibes, its goan tea and Brun mask, its open windows with white lace curtain softly fluttering. But most of all I love, its aesthetic beauty. Its décor is simple and tones are warm. I can sit here for hours and still don’t get tired. The strains of tabla in the background are helpful. All my senses , visual, auditory, touch, smell and taste are triggered favourably over here. And that is how I feel at home.
I am struck by just how important aesthetic beauty in the physical environment is for the feeling of tranquility and peace for one’s mental physical and emotional wellbeing.
Home is a place that reminds us of who we are. And so when that happens, irrespective of whether we actually live there or not, there is a certain white noise experience on the inside. And we go into a flow state. When that does not happen we feel disoriented, don’t know who we are, feel lost and generally low on energy. It explains why many of us feel at home in nature. The theory of resonance works. As within – so without.
For many people, the notion of home is strongly connected to one particular place, their place of birth perhaps. But, as old saying has it, “home is where the heart is”. Or as the German singer Herbert Grönemeyer says: “Home is not a place, home is a feeling!”
Everyone knows what it feels like to be homesick. At home, we feel like we belong and are secure. Home can give us orientation and serve as a safe anchor in these fast-moving times. Or not. One can be at home, and homesick. Something in the environment is not in resonance.
Why is home so important to us, then? Because for better or worse, by presence or absence, it is a crucial point of reference—in memory, feeling, and imagination—for inventing the story of ourselves, our life-narrative, for understanding our place in time. But it is also a vital link through which we connect with others and with the world and the universe at large
My early memory of my choice mattering was when, at 4yrs. I read Heidi and wanted a loft home just like her. My grandma, made that happen. She extended the ‘loft’ put a small bed there and I could go up and down the ladder to “My space”. This was a place I would go to to feel grounded, to feel Not alone.
The opposite is also true.
In looking for house for my son, We were also quite shocked at how some homes are kept. In such a state of neglect. Clean, sometimes, but not talked to, not loved, not cared for. I kind of almost hear the house speaking. And it tells stories. We think of it as a shell or room at best. Not really taking to it. Some place I would literally not enter. There is something about spaces I feel very strongly.
I have a theory about how the way we relate to our home, is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves on the inside. Our home is our Brand.
Our homes are a witness to our waking and sleeping. Our conscious and unconscious. Our face for the world and the one with puffy eyes and face masks. Our squeals of laughter when there is celebration, rasping sobs in grief, tensed high pitch when stressed and mad rapturous when joyous. Everything is witnessed by the house. Is it not then important that we also see the house?
Like wet clay it bears all the markings and impressions. And each house is then a tapestry of experiences. And tells a textured Story.
The Wizard of Oz got it right: There’s no place like home.
Last year I did a guest session on “spaces” and homes, on Zoom for a friend, Kiran. We asked the participants to turn the camera off and go and take a walk in their homes and listen to some parts. When people came back, it was shocking what they saw, felt, shared and realized, in just 10 minutes. Some said, the kitchen wall was feeling hot and dirty, some said the bedroom curtains had lost their colour, some said the place below the sink was crying and some said the flowers had dust and complained.
Pretty much everyone was in a state of disbelief as to how much they did not see the place they spent all their time in. And more importantly how it reflected their own neglect of their relationship with themselves and their loved ones.
Perhaps we need to stop and see, and go for a deliberate walk in our homes. It certainly may not be a walk in the park. And wonder, if our home had a personality, a voice a story what would it be. What would it say. What would be the dominant emotions? What would be its complains? What would it be grateful for.
Our homes also create and shape our experiences. I have two such stories from Last year
Story 1 – Mountain Inside and outside.
Last year I went to my Friend Kirans’ house in Pune. He has been asking me to come and do something to his house for a while. But somehow it did not happen. And this time when I did go, he was out of town. He has a beautiful house with a large balcony from where you can see a mountain, in close proximity. But somehow the “things” in the house were just functionally kept. Again, not talked to. The mountain was overlooked and forgotten. And he would often tell me that he just does not feel like ‘coming and staying at home’.
That evening, since I had nothing else to do, I sat and listened to the House. I moved a few things around with the help of his house help. Sorted and organised some stuff and arranged the furniture such that the mountain was Visible. With some small plants lights and the right set of books the place transformed. When he came home he was in rapturous amazement. He feels house proud now and that was such a joy to see him coming home. Wanting to come home. The mountain, within him and outside was now Visible.
Most people believe it takes a lot of time and money to create a beautiful calm spaces. And that is not true. It takes, some thought, some creativity, some empathy and lots of imagination.
Story 2 – Turning a corner
Another, friend of mine called me to help with redoing her house. She is someone who has travelled and so has a house full of things from everywhere. It’s pretty but extremely cluttered.There were many corners which had already turned a corner. And she was just too attached to her many things.
Her house I noticed also had a seating arrangement which was around a center table and automatically involved many guests. And she is someone who loves having people around all the time. And so the lockdown hit her hard. Just sitting in the drawing room, and looking at the empty seating arrangement was a depressing reminder.
I noticed; The house just did not have a “Me place” – which was just for her. I saw one pretty corner that was begging for attention. We moved things, cleaned up the dusty window kept just one chair, a lamp and some books and voila – She had her “Me place”.
This “space” now made her realized that deep down she liked being alone and enjoyed her own company. She got to connect with herself. And many things changed. She bought more plants tended to them let go of a lot of clutter finally. And things moved.
Perhaps we need to take the time to really connect with our homes. And let it connect with us. The Human mind and body are interconnected and can be affected by many things, including the environment we live in. Homes have the potential to invoke calm happiness and soothes the soul. It can inspire confidence, empathy, pride, creativity, security and energy. And make us feel Belonged.
The irony is, we knew this as children, but have forgotten. One of the games pretty much all children play is ‘home”. We moved somewhere in the process of growing up from building homes to building houses. From creating belonging to creating property.
Perhaps we need to look at our space with more attention and care.
Maybe when and if we do this, our awareness of our home, the planet can also increase? Perhaps we can realize that beauty is not just for the eyes but also for the soul.
Maybe as we heal our homes our own minds and body can also heal.
Perhaps it may be time to sit and reflect, If the story of Your home was on a wall..what would the writing on the all be?
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