Yesterday, I messaged a client who we had done the workshop for, how was their last day. He messaged it was going great the entire team was pumped for the new goals, but then they got the news of Puneet Kumar’s death and they had to change the plans and leave. I said I was sorry to hear that, I vaguely remember the name Punit but was not so sure. I asked him, I had not heard about Puneet, which team was he from?. Pause. ‘On no no. Puneet kumar, was a Kannada actor who died and the entire city was now mourning and things were being shut down, he said.”
I was certainly surprised. Shops were shut. Flags were up. People were in the street crying and shouting in groups. His garlanded pictures were there in on street corners. Was he a very good actor I asked Savvy, She told me he was the son of another very well know actor. He was only 46 years old, he was healthy in good shape, infact he was in the gym working out when he had a cardiac arrest.
I was not sure which of this information was responsible for this kind of public emotional outburst.
This social behaviour I have seen before, last year when another Bollywood actor Sushant Singh, a young good looking actor committed suicide, the whole nation seemed to be mourning. A very dear friend also cried for a few day. and I could see it was very real for her.
I have always wondered what was this. Why was this. Why do we get so affected by something happening to someone who we have never met in our lives. Who probably has no idea of our existence even. But it happens. It happens all over the world. It happens in our homes. Hero workship. Hero, here is a gender neutral word.
I remember, when Lady Diana died in the car crash. I felt it. The whole world had such an outpouring of love. How can one not be touched by the presence of such a person, by such a story of innocence, longing, and betrayal? Hounded by paparazzi, her death was a tragedy
Perhaps as fans, there is a silent collective nod to the way that many stars have been ‘mistreated’. It was as if a part of my life that was linked to her, her haircut, simplicity, style, heartache and “also mistreated” died.
Celebrities, whether movies or political or sports not only enter our mind space but our hearts, homes and emotions. They show us what is humanly possible through stepping out on stage, or on a basketball court. They epitomize talent and hard work and perhaps more importantly Hope. As in the case of Puneet Kumar.
Our favourite celebrities cheer us up on a lonely evenings at home, inspire us during hard times Encourage us through their dialogues and songs in similar situations. Allow dream to be born and nurtured, and move us with their human struggle to stay fit, or sober, or just plain alive.
Hero worship, is real and everywhere.
As I found out ,There is a term for this.
Parasocial interaction (PSI) . It refers to a kind of psychological relationship experienced by an audience in their mediated encounters with performers in the mass media, particularly on television and on online platforms. Viewers or listeners come to consider media personalities as “friends” or in some case even an intimate relationship, despite having no or limited interactions with them.
PSI is described as an illusionary experience. The term was coined by Donald Horton and Richard Wohl in 1956. PS, Interactions, soon transitions to Parasocial “relationships”, which are one-sided where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence.
Such description also fits many other “real” everyday relationships. I knew of a friend who had a crush on one of our teachers for years. She not only did not tell him but also never got married till very late. For others this becomes a way to escape their everyday reality.
In some way, they become safer to invest in emotionally, because there is no chance of meeting them or being vulnerable. And perhaps we can pretend that this way we won’t get hurt. For some of them it can also be a healthy adaptation. When we refer to them as posse. And kind of call on “them” for a certain qualities.
“We are all alike on the inside.”
― Mark Twain
I have never really has a celebrity crush, such that I wanted to meet him or her. Except for with the Author of “Shantaram”, Gregory Roberts. An Australian who lived in the slums of Mumbai and was fondly named “Shantaram”. I remember being fascinated by how he saw and eloquently described the less than perfect living slum conditions as beautiful. I remember feeling I want to meet this person, who sees such beauty in people. I did, years later, “accidentally” at Leopold. And till date it is one of my favourite memory.
Years later when I was studying Field Theory I began to understand this phenomena. And it blew my mind.My interpretation is called the Green dot theory.
Imagine we are all ice bergs. And so only less than 10 percent is visible on the outside. But beneath the waterline all are connected. Imagine iceberg “A”, has a green dot, lets say of the intensity of 50. Which is on the surface and visible to all. The other icebergs also have a green dot, some visible but less intensity, and many others of varying lesser intensity hidden below the waterline.
This green dot, of A, now acts like a magnet, and pulls the other green dots towards it, its’ called “valency”. And the other icebergs, “unconsciously” project their own hidden green dots on to A. Now A’s 50 become 80. And it glows bigger and brighter. And in turn pulls even more hidden green dots. Both A and the other icebergs are now Stuck in this drama.
An everyday example of this behaviour is during weddings, The bride and groom, no matter how plain and ordinary they may look in their everyday life, on this day they glow. Look different. That is because all the people who are looking at them, are “projecting” their own, beauty innocence, dreams, and hopes (green dots) on to the couple.
The same is true of a negative connotation also. When there is a car bumping and two people come and start shouting and fighting, it’s a common thing on Mumbai roads. A whole bunch of onlooking audience, jump in also join the fight. I have found it amusing. No one knows the people they are shouting at or hitting. And yet their anger is Real. The green dot of “Anger” was always inside, hidden beneath the waterline, and all it takes for a random incident of a slightly bigger dot to pull this out of people.
“One doesn’t defend one’s god; one’s god is in himself a defence.”
― Henry James,
While it can be scary, It is also quite a palpable everyday example of all of us being in a connected field. There is NO rational explanation of a Parasocial relationship, except to prove the interconnectedness.
Most people are unaware of how in this connected field the impact they have on their surroundings. Both in positive and negative ways. Years ago when I encountered Celestine prophecy , it changed the way I literally saw people and interactions. I could “SEE” the energy lines moving, being pulled changing colours. I could, and still can see the energy vampires and how they manipulate energy from people around them. I can see how some people get “sucked dry”, fall ill, lose vitality and keep sliding down. Earlier I would jump in and “intervene” but I could not explain, what I was seeing and people often accrued other reasons for my intervention. I learned to discern and not interfere when I don’t see invitation. So now I see it and keep quite. And try to be subtle. It is very hard on many days, because I can watch the dramas and how it is likely to end. But I have stopped talking about it. Except with some dear friends, who know this and trust.
I also get caught up in the energy games when I am not aware and have to stop. Mostly, we get into these games when we have cut ourselves off from “other” sources of energy, like Nature, or art etc. and so for our own sustenance we pull it from other people – and we do it by creating “Heros”. We put them on a pedestal. And then they have to bear the weight of all our unlived fantasies.
Some people can take it if they are “grounded”. It is literally like electrical energy. If the earthing is not proper, the energy can burn the person. Which is how, I feel these “celebrities” die. The Reason can be anything. I remember when Robbin WIliams died everyone was so shocked. He was so funny and happy. Yes, he was and that was also his Green Dot. When the green dot becomes so large, there is no place left for any other emotions, they have to go onto the shadows. And one day Boom It catches you unawares and the game s is over.
The Hero also gets “addicted” to this high dose of energy and cannot do without.
“It is pardonable for children to yell that they believe in fairies, but it is somehow sinister when the piping note shifts from the puerile to the senile.”
― Christopher Hitchens
Either ways I find it irresponsible in a field, in a social group. And it is unconscious. Often one person with a certain quality will continue to be “setup”, because of his valence and his inability to stay aware, and others can then abdicate responsibility for that behaviour inside them and vicariously live it. This is true for bth extremes. Some people get “setup” for anger, disruption and some for hope and joy.
I get very wary when I see this happening and someone about to be “Pedestalized”. It also is a complete disregard for someones Freedom. We also get angry, with people who we have “Pedastalized” when they behave differently than what you imagine they Should behave all the time. It is unfair.
Perhaps we need to really pay attention to this phenomena and look at how we have locked ourselves and others in their “Fixed Roles”. And what is the price we are paying or will eventually pay for it. How are we sacrificing our True selves and people under some guise of care and love.
Perhaps we need to really notice what is going on around us and become present. That we cry and mourn for people we did not know, also talks about the amount of Grief and unshed tears we carry everyday, and then it takes just one trigger, like this death of this actor, for t to come out and “legitimise” the tears.
Perhaps if we did own our own hopes, beauty, anger, joy and sorrow, we can take the burden off some others. I do feel it is time we take that responsibility. And not deny anymore our humanness. We are in this together the good the bad and the ugly.
It is difficult enough be human most days, let alone be heroes. Perhaps we need to be more compassionate
Perhaps we don’t need Heros in capes to save us or encourage us. Perhaps we need to be our own heros without the cape.
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