Last evening I was talking to a dear friend Pavin, who I know now for almost 20 years. He keeps disappearing for a few years and then resurfaces and calls out of the blue, then we talk and catch up for over a hour, agree to pukka meet and then disappear for a couple more years. But neither of us complain. We laugh a lot. Remember things while talking nine to a dozen. And then laugh some more. That is perhaps the most defining feature of our relationship and perhaps why we are still friends.
On my way back I was reflecting about this conversation which kind of lifted my spirits. Of course part of it was, we talked about my favourite Don Juan and Casteneda. I have not seen him in over 7 years now and yet. As I remember, the thing that popped in my head was the word “Trust”. It was strange since I was not thinking of it.
I went in deeper with that thread. And realised as I recall when he laughs, and he laughs loudly, he laughs like I do, he throws his head back and just guffaws.
I never consciously remembered this about me either. And then I remembered others, many of them when they laughed, at some point they also threw their head back. There was something I could not put my finger on. I tried to mimic the action while sitting in the rickshaw, to understand. The driver looked at me in the rear view mirror, perplexed and with a look of concern. That, made the mimicking real. It was funny. So I started to laugh, after a bit of hesitation he also started to laugh, maybe relieved.
And then it suddenly came to me. When people laughed like that, they were “exposed”. Literally, their most vulnerable parts, the throat, chest, stomach were put out. Eyes closed, mouth open. They were completely Vulnerable. In the animal kingdom, when someone did this, like when dogs lie on the back and wait for tummy rub, It was sure sign of Trust.
So unconsciously when we laugh like that, we are conveying trust in the other and in turn, by being vulnerable, being trust worth ourselves. That made sense. In fact now that I think of it, in some spaces, where this behaviour is overtly or covertly restricted, it signals “Unsafe”. It’s so primal.
Laughter is one of my calling cards. There other is crying. Which is funny but true. I laugh and cry at the drop of a hat.
I also laugh very loudly and this is something, I have had a lot of trouble over while growing up, and sometimes even now. I literally don’t know how to laugh without volume.
I have often heard when I laughed loudly, “ Girls must be seen not heard”. Or something to the effect of “people will judge your character negatively, if you laugh like that in public”. And such remarks were not made just by men. Thankfully very early on, I became OK with the label of “Irreverent”. I would do just about as much with my laughter, as I could about my height or the colour of my eyes. It was a default setting.
I get this “Gene” from my mom, who also used to laugh loudly. And she got it from hers. My nana. So its genetic; I can’t do anything. I have tried.
One such funny stories of my nana, who used to be the caretaker of the St. Michael church and also played the organ. Once while the sermon was on, and there was piece she had to play, and I don’t know what happened, maybe she hit the wrong key, or saw things in black and white, but she suddenly burst out laughing. In a quiet full church it sounded even louder. Once she stared, she could not stop. After a confusing few seconds the congregation and the pastor also started to laugh. It was like an avalanche. Everyone was laughing at one point. And then, like a natural wave, after some time the wave subsided, just as spontaneously. No one asked “what just happened”, but the question was lingering in the room. The Pastor sensed and simply said, addressing the people, “God was here”.
That statement has stayed with me .
I also know of the opposite to be true. Where there is no Laughter there is no God.
My friend Rajesh, who is a brilliant doodlist, and I have been talking about humour for a could of years. And how it is not a laughing matter. How important it is for just well being and that we must do something. His doodles are funny but they also trigger deeper Truth and reflection.
Laughter has seen me through many many ups and downs. My friend savvy and I sometimes when we talk, get frustrated and also cry and then just as spontaneously can laugh about it. And we both feel grateful that we can.
Laughing and crying are the two emotions babies don’t need to be taught. It comes naturally to them. So it should obviously come naturally to us. But somewhere down the line laughter get scrubbed off and we become “conscious”. And think to be taken seriously one must Not laugh.
We label and judge it as “Being Frivolous”. Until people feel ashamed of their laugher. Can you imagine that.
“The Art of Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease” – Voltaire
I have seen many people cover their mouths or face while laughing, I have found that quite telling. I instinctively, feel something amiss. Like something is held back. Trust takes tiny hit.
Humour. Has been such an integral part of Human history. It has also been studied. Naturally because it also has evolutionary advantage.
Philosophy
In ancient philosophy, humour received little attention and, if anything, mostly negative. Plato, for example, criticized laughter as an emotion that undermines our self-control and called for strict control of everything comedic. The stoic Seneca, on the other hand, identified humour as a vital element of serenity. He stated: “All things are cause for either laughter or weeping”, and concluded: “It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.”
Academic History
In the course of history, Three main humour theories emerged:
The Superiority Theory traces back to Aristotle and claims that we laugh when we feel superior. That is it posits that people find humour in, and laugh at, earlier versions of themselves and others because of feeling superior. And how they have thus changed since. I can totally relate to that. When our school friend gang meet, and we talk about how we used to be and do, we laugh.
The Incongruity Theory put forth by Cicero, which says we laugh when something surprisingly causes us to change our perspective. To out it differently, People laugh at the juxtaposition of incompatible concepts and at defiance of their expectations—that is, at the incongruity between expectations and reality.
This is the stuff of stand-up comedian, who are able to say things which are hard hitting, meaningful, absurd mind boggling and therefore funny. Maybe that is why I wasn’t to be a stand-up.
According to a variant of the theory known as resolution of incongruity, laughter results when a person discovers an unexpected solution to an apparent incongruity, such as when an individual grasps a “hidden meaning” in a statement and thus sees the statement in a completely new light.
The Relief Theory , by Sigmund Freud supported that humour serves to dissolve psychological tensions and to reveal suppressed desires.
Evolutionary Advantage
An evolutionary biologist David Sloan Wilson and his colleague Matthew Gervais, from Binghamton University, offered an explanation of the evolutionary benefits of humour. Wilson is a major proponent of group selection, an evolutionary theory based on the idea that in social species like ours, natural selection favours characteristics that foster the survival of the group, not just of individuals
Wilson and Gervais applied the concept of group selection to two different types of human laughter.
Duchenne laughter, after scholar Guillaume-Benjamin-Amand Duchenne de Boulogne, who first described it in the mid-19th century. It is Spontaneous, emotional, impulsive and involuntary laughter is a genuine expression of amusement and joy and is a reaction to playing and joking around. It shows up in the smiles of a child or adult when tickled. It also causes eyes crinkling.
Non-Duchenne laughter is a studied and not very emotional imitation of spontaneous laughter. People employ it as a voluntary social strategy—for example, when their smiles and laughter punctuate ordinary conversations, even when those chats are not particularly funny. Or when trying to hide something.
Million years ago Duchenne laughter became a medium of emotional contagion, a social glue, in long-extinct human ancestors.
It promoted interactions among members of a group in periods of safety and satiation. Laughter by group members in response to what Wilson and Gervais call protohumor—nonserious violations of social norms—was a reliable indicator of relaxed, safe times and paved for growth.
Psychological advantage
The German locution “Humor ist, wenn man trotzdem lacht” (humor is when you laugh anyway), describes another central aspect. Professor Gina Barreca, says that “Laughter addresses the same issues as fear, not to dismiss them, but to strengthen our ability to confront them.“
We are better able to think through challenges if we are able to laugh. Some of the great Masters have had this quality about them, Don Juan, the Shaman for one.
I realised some years ago, that you cannot think and augh at the same time. In other words when you are laughing you have “No Thoughts”. It is the ultimate goal of many meditations. How funny. I must be meditating a lot.
“Your body cannot heal without play. Your mind cannot heal without laughter. Your soul cannot heal without joy.” – Catherine Rippenger Fenwick
Numerous studies have confirmed the positive effect of humour on our health and well-being. Which is why Laughter clubs have erupted everywhere.
For example, a study published by the Norwegian University of Science shows that humour can prolong life. Scientist Sven Svebak examined 500,000 Norwegians over several years and found that the more humorous participants in the study were less likely to get sick and that they had, on average, a 20 percent longer lifespan.
Laughter also decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
When we stared the social community, Meet Pray Laugh, in response to the COVID stress, we pretty much agreed on this agenda
Perhaps we must take Humour seriously now.
Truth
Humour and laughter has been quite integral even in political and serious affairs. Every kind used to have a Jester in many courts, and he was the truth teller. And therefore Played a Vital role. He could say the most difficult things but because he would also laugh, they became palatable and people did not push it back.
In the Art of Dreaming Don Juan tells Carlos, “… most of our energy goes into upholding our importance… if we were capable of losing some of that importance, Two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two we would provide ourselves with enough energy to … catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe.
I have often seen this in the work I do I am often able deliver something can be quiet hard hitting without puting “psychological safety “ at risk.
In the Tarrot, The Fool card is numbered 0 – The number of unlimited potential – and so does not have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can be placed either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered the Fool’s journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number.
Rajesh and I believe, Humour can be re-learnt. We all have it. But have gotten confused between the tail bone and the funny bone.
Perhaps we confused serious with Important. And miss the point. Just because one can laugh about it does not mean one does not take it seriously.
My friend Krishna and I have our own Ant jokes series.
“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.”
― Robert Frost
I also confess I crack really bad, what are now knows as “rhea jokes”. Many times I find myself thinking up jokes. And I can amuse and entertain myself with it. Sometimes it just uncontrollable the urge. Like a few months ago my brother cam ever for Raksha bandhan and got me a Karoke set. We both decided to sing and record a song together. But for some reason, we just could not get off we would juts crack up as soon as we started. I am not kidding we did atleast 11 retakes and did not manage to record. When I think about it I can put my finger on what was funny. But it was. We laugh a lot as a family. Over really silly things and for a long time. We have literally has ROLF. I am told its a good exercise for the abs 🙂
I am quite bad at telling jokes though, because I am laughing even before the joke ends. My friend joke that when I do become a stand up, I will atleast have a dedicated audience of One. Which is true.
Perhaps that is what we need, in the stressful way we are living our lives. Humour. Laughter. Something that will immediately put things in a different perspective, increase safety and vulnerability and health. There must be a reason why coffee machine stops, hear more real things than a town hall.
We automatically gravitate toward people who laugh and smile. And the vice versa. If ever there was litmus test of who is living and telling the truth, Laugher in my view can be that. Laughter cannot be faked.
Maybe we need to start a Humour Revolution. Where hundreds of hours of therapy fails an evening of laughter makes up. I really believe Humour can save the world. Both internal and external.
Years ago when my friend and I applied for our very first summer job, our resume was identical. But I got the call and the job. Without an interview. I later asked the manager, why, on what basis did he decide. His answer was. everything being the same, both your photographs were different. In my picture I was smiling. In hers she was not. That was it.
It was that simple and straightforward. And it has stayed with me ever since.
Maybe we have unnecessarily complicated things, just to make ourselves feel important. And maybe not all problems have solutions. Some perhaps just needs to be laughed away.
Ant and elephant decide to play hide and seek. Ant goes out to hide and elephant comes to seek. nt runs into the temple to hide but… the elephant find out immediately. How come
Ant is quite pious – she has left her slippers outside
This short journey of life can be lived with integrity and connection. If only we learnt to again laugh, at ourselves to start with. Maybe that is why we have the laughing buddha in homes. Laughter as the Path to Bodhisattva. And It is Contagious, spreads quickly. For a brief period if people can connect, without language, without inhibitions, without judgements – Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?
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