Day 5 – Pause || the container

“In the Pause between the Stimulus and Response lies the freedom of choice” –This quote by Viktor Frankyl, I have heard, believed and championed for many years.

And.. yet to be honest, I have seen a certain behaviour with myself and many close ones….There is a pause and then, after that pause – It’s still the same “reaction”. We have just added one more step to the pattern-the Pause. And also, are we free to use this freedom to choose?

And so, as I contemplated this… Pause– I had many questions( as usual)

Was pause then…just Silence ..withheld?- Was pause a strategy? – Was pause a fancy word for freeze? – Was pause a way to be smart about how to react? – Was pause an action…of not acting?- Was pause a way of controlling?

What did happen in the pause? And what was a wise free Pause?

I had to pause — the pausing ..

(If you have to pause to just take in all the …Pauses…go head )

It was a bit like putting my own pause under magnifying ..x-ray … slow motion video .

Phew !!!! (non action is not the same as NO action..this was ..work)

It went through three stages.

Stage one:

The Pause was solid …tight…contracted, proud and certain.

breath held and nostrils flaring

I was quiet but there was no sign of Silence

I looked like a bull held back at the gates of a bull fight arena..

The matador with the red flag was my trigger and it kept instigating me

It was- outside of me.

Stage two:

The Pause was liquid, salty, confused, uncertain

There was pain, it was real and hot and white

I experienced falling into spurts of silence, after exhaustion.

It brought up many memories of the same trigger..

The matador now with a white flag was inside me..

Telling me to give up the fight.

Stage three

The Pause was still ..expanded…present…knowing.

There was grief, there were tears and both were accepted.

Its salty waters were healing, like that of the ocean

The Matador was me and we hugged.

I was crying for having abandoned me.

In this Pause, the Reaction brought clarity.

What reacted, was another “separated” part, the matador, that just wanted to be hugged. I realized, I didn’t have to “repress” my reaction — I just didn’t need to act it OUT. I could use it and see it as an opportunity for Clarity (of who I thought I was NOT), for dissolving, yet another separation. We don’t need to just learn from the pause, we can learn in the pause

If a Pause can be used as a holy container for the reaction to transform, it can be alchemical. If not, we will continue to add to the already existing violence and separation by continuing to “other”.

RHEA