I grew up with my grandma in a house with a big garden. And most of my lessons, academic and life I learnt here.
When I was about 5-6 yrs old, I wanted something.. new bag or compass box..I can’t remember (interesting) .. I would keep pestering her several times a day for some answer for – “when will I get it”?.
So, one day she brought a small flower pot with soil, and in front of me planted some seeds, inserted a 12” wooden ruler(some of you may still remember that) and handed it to me saying, this was now my plant to look after and take care. And as to my question, “When will I get it” – the answer was when the plant grew to touch the end of the ruler.
With this act, the question now became mine to grow into (Rilke would have been proud of my grandma)
And so with that…I started my journey of nurturing and patience. Needless to say… I learnt a lot from the 20 days that followed…
Two lessons that stayed with me:
Lesson 1 : Measurement is not the same as Meaning :
The plant, for the first few days grew ..’inline’ with the ruler, and I happily predicted my new bag arrival…. But I was wrong.. The plant followed its own path…not one of the ruler… it “Grew” but it had still not reached my mark…and I could not control it. It was humbling, to say the least.
I realized, we create measures to give meaning to experiences, like the 12 months in the calendar or time or age, or naming a bunch of stars as constellations. So that we can predict, have some sense of control in some ways maybe..
But the nature of Nature is that it refuses to be measured and controlled.
And in that, perhaps, lies its potential for growth and abundance….and in understanding this perhaps lies the secret of enabling growth.
First measure creates meaning and then Meaning creates the measure.
I wonder ….in this obsession for measure and meaning, do we forget to notice and value the moments that take our breath away in worrying about the time going by or look and marvel at the millions of other stars in the sky and experience awe, instead of just predicting what the stars are saying..or miss an opportunity for a kind look or word for connection….in getting to the Point.???
Lesson 2 : Tolerance and Patience are not the same:
For the first couple of days, of me “watching over” the plant constantly and not seeing anything..I remember getting frustrated…and sit feeling edgy and get upset. And keep asking (to no one one in particular) … when will it grow – when will it grow…
At some point in that sitting with my plant… the waiting changed on the inside. I stopped being edgy and upset and just …..waited..
I realised, over a period of observing and being in these two states.. Waiting has two modes – Tolerance and Patience ..and they are NOT the same
Tolerating is waiting for things to Close
Patience is waiting for things to Open
Years later, in my role as a mother, coach, friend, partner – I catch myself asking the same question . “When will I/ he/she/ It … Grow”
I still sometimes catch myself on the edge, holding my breath, tapping my pen..or foot ..I can feel myself contracted …
and I realise I am tolerating… (waiting for things to ..Close?? is that what I want? )
PAUSE !!!!!!
And then I remember my plant and my waiting journey
Then I take a deep breath and shift on the inside and move to being patient..
And wait for things to open and Grow !!!!!
Thank you grandma..
