Last evening with two dear friends something beautiful was born. And I felt the familiar feeling of deep gratitude to the invisible realm and wonder. One of the Identities, that I am slowly becoming comfortable sharing openly is that of a Doula. I came to know I was one ‘accidentally’.
28 days after the birth of my son, my best friend went into labour. And since she had asked me to be with her, I was. Not really knowing what to to do. But I need not have worried, spirit took over. The moment of watching the miracle of child entering the world was amazing. And I cannot explain how expanded it felt. It was witnessing a Universe come into being. The magic of seeing someone born.
This, being a doula, did not stop just with babies. In other ‘roles’, often unconsciously, in the background that is what was happening– ‘delivering’ – witnessing Birth.
Who is a “Doula” – The doula is “non-professional’ ( typically without formal obstetric training), assistant in childbirth who provides emotional, physical, spiritual and educational support to a mother who is expecting, is experiencing labour, or has recently given birth. Their purpose is to help women and the child to have a safe, memorable, and empowering and spiritual birthing experience.
As I sat and wondered two things occurred to me:
One – the Metaphor of ‘birthing’ we use so often, in everyday life, irrespective of the gender, and context. We say things like, giving birth to an idea, birth of the universe, pregnant pause, labour pains, cutting the umbilical chord, this is my baby, deliver us etc.
We give birth irrespective of our gender, age and understanding many times in our lives.
Two- we are therefore often unconsciously playing the role of a Doula. Of helping giving birth, sometimes to somebody’s else idea, project, identity, and sometimes to ourselves.
The reason knowing this is important, is we often feel ‘inadequate’ and therefore hold ourselves back from ‘helping ourselves or someone” – I have heard this often, “But I am not trained to do this” – How do I know I am ready to teach, help, sing, paint, start a new venture go out etc.
It’s understandable, as a reaction – It ‘s logical and yet it is absurdly not.
Because till you don’t do it – the status quo will remain. You cannot have an experience of doing it – by not doing it.
The Primary Role of a Doula is to create and hold space, that is safe, sacred and supportive for the process of birthing anything. It is an internal intuitive thing. It is helping something yet ‘invisible’ but real and alive, come out of the womb and into form, into being into the manifest world. To live out it’s destiny. It’s not up to us to decide, in a way.
I find this whole process of Birth fascinating. We whole heartedly believe, and care for that which we cannot see, touch, hear- the invisible . It also makes us very vulnerable and is therefore an act of courage. Hope is an act of Courage. It is an act of courage because every birthing is also separation. At some point that which is such an integral part of us, that we have given our blood to, must be let out into the world. As a mother I can tell you its like watching your beating heart walk outside, unprotected exposed to the world. And you cannot really hold-on or control anything. It’s the MOST vulnerable thing. When you try to hold on it suffocates and sometimes dies.
Since we, at some point in our lives have consciously or unconsciously, played this Role, some are being asked to do it now, and some are being readied for future – This conversation is important.
Here are a few things I have learnt about Birthing which are also applicable, like the metaphor to other birthing’s. And knowing them perhaps will help in preparation as we get in touch with what is waiting to be born.
-Birth is inevitable, once the inception has happened. It cannot not be born
-There is a universal design that is much larger at play. We just play a ‘supporting role’
– We can delay the eventual labour – but it only gets harder, if we hold back, we cannot deny indefinitely.
-The ‘baby” almost entirely co-creates itself with the Universe. The ‘Mother’ does not really know much. She is the care taker, a space provider at best.
-The Universe provides nourishment in the form of milk, 4 months before the baby ‘s birth. That is the degree of Abundance.
-The process of birthing – triggers off with “Contractions’ – when this starts- you know it is time.
-Natural birth is painful – excruciatingly – Many including me, will say, I don’t know how did I sign up for this. And yet almost immediately, on seeing the baby, the memory of the pain is forgotten and replaced with awe and love
-Through the many contractions, which, as the times gets closer, increase in their frequency and intensity, one needs to keep going.
-There is a point in the process called, Crowning – It is often referred to as the “ring of fire” in the birthing process. It’s when your baby’s head becomes visible in the birth canal after you’ve fully dilated. It’s the home stretch. This, in my experience, I have seen mothers and others – reach this last leg and say “No I can’t do it” – This is the most crucial point of the doula intervention.
-The process involves both Pushing and Pulling. The Real trick is in sensing and knowing, when to do what. One of the nuances of this I learnt, over time, is to ask the mother to push with the pain. When there was contraction, instead of instinctively holding back the pain wave- to intentionally ride it – use it to deliver.
-The thing to do is Focus on Breath and posture. Best to let gravity do its work.
-The baby, to be born has to leave the dark cozy womb and come, fall squeeze through a narrow dark valley…to the ground. Its moment of entry into the world, scary, confusing, messy, naturally traumatic and yet beautiful and liberating. It will cry and it will be rejoicing. It’s a manifested piece of the Universe itself. We all, only helped.
I do feel, we as humans, as individuals are churning because we are at the precipices of a great birthing. We are in different stages. And we are going through these contractions and birthing pains as humanity. It’s confusing, messy, filled with anticipation and anxiety, Some of us are the baby, some are the mother some the doula. And yet all connected by the same process of Birthing.
Perhaps knowing that this dark tunnel is a birthing canal may help. Perhaps knowing that these labour pains are sacred and we need to breathe through them will ease some of the anxiety. Perhaps many of us are asked to birth at this very point, that which has been seeded long time ago and it is now time Perhaps having the faith that someone out there is looking out for us, even when we can’t see or know, will be reassuring.
Hope fully some of the fear can be understood anticipated and handle with faith and love.
Research shows that childbirth does go more smoothly with a doula: labour is 25 percent shorter, the need for epidural pain relief is 60 percent less and the Caesarean section rate is reduced by half.— Susan Gilbert
Maybe it’s time.
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