I had a difficult time with my beliefs yesterday. Some of them were self-contradictory. The stress of holding them was a lot. Self-contradictory beliefs went something like this – I believe children should be given free will –free will comes with a cost that is not always clear.
What do I do? – Decision making is often hinged on Beliefs and hence they become Important.
In simple everyday stuff, like I believe in my Vegetable vendor, so I don’t have to stress with decisions about quality money etc. I believe that drivers know their job so I don’t have to decide route time etc. and so on.
Our reality is the reflection of our Strongest Beliefs.
To really understand the importance of this relationship – Just imagine being in an environment if you didn’t believe these everyday things – the amount of data and complexity for decision making would be compounded to a height that would probably inundate us. And we would feel Stuck.
Beliefs are therefore like short cue cards that helps us in the process of movement, reduce anxiety of decision making and alleviate the stress of Uncertainty.
However, Unexamined and turned into “Habits” they can also do the opposite.
I was watching an episode of ‘Good doctor’ about a patient who is a pastor and has spinal cancer, and refuses surgery that will reduces pain. It’s a situation in which he will die if the surgery is not done. His ‘decision’ is hinged on his ‘Belief’ that God is punishing him for something he did was wrong. Since there is no way that can be checked, he is Stuck in this indecision and uncertainty –If the Cancer does not kill him his stress will.
Belief gives a us a semblance of Certainty and that is why we hold on to it. Like a raft on rising falling waves in the ocean.
Beliefs – Create and Destroy – so many lives, opportunities, potential, dreams, relationships, ideas, organizations, countries.
They warrant some introspection and Exploration.
Many beliefs are ‘Invisible’ to us and hence it is scary. The classic is the story when People believed that the Earth was Flat – an entire culture was formed based on that. And very soon there was no need to ‘decide’ how far into the ocean you wanted to go.
Or not too long ago, we believed one person could not do change the world – until somewhere in the world the one person had corona Virus. This rest as they is history .
People stopped being Curious and Questioning – They just went on wearing the Beliefs like hand-me downs. Eventually Beliefs became a way to control and mould a society.
Unexamined Beliefs become Truths.
Wars – both inside and out are fought based on what is True or Not true.
A few days ago, I went with my Son to meet his potential landlady. An old woman who was very proud of her well kept house and was literally interviewing my son. About his cleanliness work habits friends routine etc. It was amusing.
I assured her that my son was extremely organized and kept his home and surrounding clean. Her immediate patronising response was “You must be proud of raising a Son and for inculcating such ‘values’ – today’s generation is not like this’”- What !!I I wanted scoff but I did not .
I had to quickly correct her assumption and belief – I told her his “good habits” were his own. If anything I learnt from him. I could tell this reverse ‘learning’ did not fit her belief system.
How do people automatically assume that only parents can teach kids? Especially the ‘good values’. So much pressure !!!
I was taken aback at the smell of old moss covered beliefs. They smelt like moth balls in old cupboards. It matched her house. Quaint neat and of a forgotten era – stuck in some old time loop. I also meant it literally- The house had no ceiling fan in the drawing room. It had a Stand Fan. I am not a big fan of these things.
I find it very interesting how Beliefs are on the display as homes, and tell you so much about the Person.
The other distinction..
Believing in and Believing that – are two different things:
At one time I believed in ghosts – Now I believe that ghosts do no exists
At one time I believed in ‘happily ever after’ – Now I believe that it was a marketing gimmick.
At one time I believed in God – Now I believe that God is real and everywhere.
-Believe in – was a matter a personal faith an unexamined view of the world, mostly based on instinct and very little examination – Difficult although not impossible to change. We Need this variety.
–Believe that – was a matter of some reflection, introspection, inspection and inquiry easier to change. We Need this also.
I believe that I am Rhea – can be contested, there may/may not be empirical proof. I believe in Rhea – now that is entirely an internal matter, it cannot be contested. Which I do by the way.
Perhaps we need to hold our Beliefs a little lightly. Including the Belief that I know who I am. The Self is a combination and aggregation of Beliefs – often hand-me-downs, some archaic and some inherited and some that have become irrelevant. Like Santa Claus.
I find, because we go to sleep and on autopilot so often we have, as Rajesh my friend says “Poverty of experiences”.
“You’re captives of a civilisational system that more or less compels you to go on destroying the world in order to live… I think there are many among you who would be glad to release the world from captivity… This is what prevents them: They’re unable to find the bars of the cage.”
― Daniel Quinn, Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
Somethings can help us pause and examine these Beliefs and reduce the stress and anxiety and perhaps improve the quality of our decision and life on earth for ourselves and others.
To examine they have to be Visible. It’s not easy.
Our “Beliefs” becomes Visible when: (Some instances)
- We are offended
- We have a Judgement
- We are in an encounter with another person or situation
- When we have a ‘strong’ view or opinion
- When we are surprised.
- When we do something that is not working repeatedly
- When we get hassled by ‘change’
- When we say with “Certainty” – I am like this
Many of these can be used as “Cue” to enter the examination of Beliefs and be ready to alter drop take on something new
- Is it true?
- Is it True for me now?
- Is it still serving me – if yes How?
- What is the Cost of this belief?
- Is my lived reality consistent with this Belief?
- What am I accepting or rejecting basis my beliefs?
- How is that allowing movement or keeping me stuck?
- Who am I today and in what way am I different from who I was 3 years ago?
These are some inquiry questions I find useful
Things have changed and so have we. Our Ideas about our Beliefs have much catching up to do. We suffer from Perception Inertia.
Perhaps we need to open some of our own cupboards and smell the Moth balls. The clothes they were saving have long gone out of fashion. Perhaps it time to spring clean and Spring Board of some of our Beliefs. Perhaps we need to see which beliefs we hold and which ones hold us. Perhaps we need to get our own lives back from our beliefs.
I am reminded of a story about how Monkey are trapped by hunters
Coconuts are hollowed out, filled with bananas or other monkey delicacies, and then tied to a tree. A hole, small enough for a monkey’s hand to slid into, is cut into each coconut. The monkey comes pulled by his desire and habit of eating. Puts his hand in and grabs the banana. The hand is now. The monkey essentially gets trapped—trapped by his attachment and clinging to food. He starts to scream and jump as he sees the hunter approaching. He knows he will die. All he has to do, to be free, is to let go of the Banana.
He goes bananas, but doesn’t let go of the Banana.
I don’t think we are afraid of the Unknown – We are afraid of the Known coming to an end. That is the Monkey trap.
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